Lead with Expectations

Audio Version

What do you expect, and do your expectations change based on the person in front of you? One of the greatest challenges in leadership may be learning to lead each person based on established expectations, even when they have consistently failed to meet those expectations. When I played sports, I used to hear some of my coaches say to me and my teammates, "Be happy when I am correcting you and be nervous when I stop correcting you." When I became a coach, I repeated this phrase to my players, thinking it was good to communicate this to them. Now, as I look back on this statement, I realize it suggests that it is acceptable to lead biasly instead of continuing to lead everyone with the same expectations.

Unfortunately, some leaders lead their people based on bias. How do you lead when you notice someone in your organization or on your team who has a low work ethic, fixed mindset, lack of motivation, etc., and does not meet expectations? Instead of leading with a bias or ignoring this person, do you continue communicating the expectations and lead with them? As leaders, we must lead with expectations regardless of the individual's actions. “Coach them up or coach them out” is a phrase I am now becoming more familiar with. This phrase is quite the opposite of what my coaches would say, and I followed suit by stating the phrase to the players on my team. The phrase “Coach them up or coach them out" emphasizes not letting disappointment hinder you from putting in the work to help someone get better. Each person deserves our best effort to support them in becoming better, and if they do not, it is not because the expectations have changed but because they choose not to.

A key aspect of leading with expectations is that people, including yourself, can choose whether they will meet or surpass the expectations that have been communicated—we all have a choice in this. As I continue to say, everything starts and stops with leadership. In Developing the Leader Within You (1993), John Maxwell says, “People tend to become what the most important people in their lives think they will become. What do you think those you are leading—your children, your students, your employees, etc.—will become? You are that important person in someone’s life, and they are counting on you to see them as something bigger than they see themselves.

Application:

1. Communicate Your Expectations: People need to know what your expectations are. It is not fair to hold someone accountable for unclear expectations. Yet, this practice has been done. We need to be intentional in communicating our expectations. John Maxwell also states in Developing the Leader Within You (1998), “People are motivated when they know exactly what they are to do and have the confidence they can do it successfully.” Communicating your expectations is the first step in motivating people towards success.
2. Coach Them Up: If someone lacks the confidence or has demonstrated that it is difficult for them to successfully do what they have been asked to do, then coach them up. As leaders, we should regularly communicate with these individuals and develop a support plan to instill the skills and build confidence for success. Organizations have developed support plans for this purpose, and leaders should implement these plans to coach their people up.
3. Be Radically Candid: Kim Scott, in her book Radical Candor (2019), says, "If you wait too long to give guidance, everything about it gets harder...Putting criticism off is simply daunting and exhausting. It's much more effective and less burdensome to just say it right away!" Radically candid feedback is kind and clear, and it should be given immediately. Zaretta Hammond, in Culturally Responsive Teaching and The Brain (2015), her version of being radically candid in teaching is to be a Warm Demander, and Angela Duckworth's version in her book Grit (2016), as she talks about parenting, has a parenting assessment chart with the categories of one being Supportive: Warm, and another being Demanding. Those we lead deserve our honesty and clarity so they can know when they are and are not meeting the expectations.
4. Model the Expectation: James Baldwin said, "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." This is not just true with children, but it is also relevant in leading people. I cannot expect people to do what I am not willing to do. My word of the year is “mirror” because my goal is to become what I expect from others. This takes discipline on my part, but it also allows me to walk alongside those that I am leading by living out the expectations myself (I’m working on this and am a work in progress). As leaders, we must hold ourselves accountable to the same or even higher expectations as an example to those we lead. If you and I are not willing to do what we expect, then we should not hold others accountable for it, because they reflect what we model. Only by modeling the expectations can we rightfully hold others to the expectations we set.

Conclusion:

As we lead with expectations, we must understand that we are to: 1) Communicate them; 2) Coach our people up; 3) Be radically candid; and 4) Model the expectations. We should not allow our disappointments to drive our leadership when our people continually demonstrate a low work ethic, fixed mindset, lack of motivation, etc., and are not meeting our expectations. Instead of giving up on these individuals, do what I hear some leaders say: "Coach them up or coach them out." Whatever happens, it's not your choice, it's theirs. So lead with expectations and expect others to expect you to model the expectations first. My goal is to live out this sentence in a book titled The Way of the Shepherd (2004) by Dr. Kevin Leman and Bill Pentak, which says, “He expects the best from us, and we give it to him because we know he’s giving his best to us in return.” May our people say this about our leadership as we model and lead with expectations.

Additional Comments:

I want to hear from you. Please post your comments and suggestions in the comments section on this page. Thank you for reading or listening to this blog post. Stay tuned for the next blog (the last blog of the year), scheduled to be posted during the week of Monday, December 1, 2025.