Fear of Failure

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Failure…why is it feared by some and embraced by others? Is it the idea of failure that imprisons the minds of many people, or is it the imagined and, in some cases, the realistic repercussions that come along with the failure? Why can’t failure be looked at as an opportunity for growth? Admiral William McRaven, in his book "Make Your Bed" (2017), says, "True leaders must learn from their failures, use the lessons to motivate themselves, and not be afraid to try again or make the next tough decision." In essence, a leader should understand that failure and mistakes happen because we are human. It would be nice if none of us had to deal with failure and mistakes, but that is not reality, and leaders should not let their failures and mistakes negatively affect their next decision. Rather, the leader should become more tenacious, more determined, better prepared, and extremely confident to make the next tough decision.

Honestly, there is no way anyone can achieve any level of success and sustain it without experiencing failure. Failure to success started at a young age. Most of us learned how to walk, talk, ride a bike, play an instrument, play a sport, and much more by failing forward. So, then what is it about failure that is so frightening? Recently, each member of my leadership team was asked to reveal a leadership fear or frustration. I have to admit that my answer was the fear of failure. As I continue to reflect on the answer I shared with my team, I have come to realize that my fear is not failure in the sense of messing up. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, and I do not want to make them, but the fear I communicated to my team is much more profound than that. What I fear is not being the leader that I am called to be for the people that I am called to lead.

I do not want to be the leader who does not lead based on my convictions and values, allowing myself to compromise to the external and internal pressures that I face during tough times. It's hard to lead through adversity, to hold tough conversations, and to make the tough decisions that need to be made. Admiral McRaven, in one of his other books, "The Wisdom of the Bullfrog" (2023), says, "I often hear that it's hard to know the right thing to do. No, it's not! You always know what's right, but sometimes it's very hard to do it. It's hard because you may have to admit failure. It's hard because the right decision may affect your friends and colleagues. It's hard because you may not personally benefit from doing what's right. Yeah, it's hard. That's called leadership."

So what's the alternative? The alternative is what failure really is. When we don't do what we know is right and do not make the right decisions because it is hard, that's failure. Although making mistakes and failing to reach a desired outcome is very hard to deal with, failing to make the hard decisions and not doing what we know is right is far worse.

Application:

1. Lead with Integrity: Leadership is not easy. Be willing to lead the right way, no matter what. Your organization, family, community, team, parishioners, etc., are counting on you to do what is right. If you do not do what is right on behalf of those you lead, then you are failing them. Instead of giving in to peer pressure, the negative comments, the dirty looks, the undesired social media posts and/or emails…lead. Do what you know is right.
2. Ask Questions: If you do not know what to do, ask someone you trust. Hopefully, the person you are asking is someone who leads with integrity. More likely, a person who leads with integrity will give you the advice that they have already done, or you can be confident they would do if they were in the same situation you are facing.
3. Follow Through: The Nike slogan says it best, "Just Do It." Knowing what is right and doing what is right are two different realities. It does not benefit anyone to know the right thing to do and not do it. You can experience true success by following through and doing what you know is right. Failing to follow through is ultimately failing those you are leading.

Conclusion:

Failing on a project, making a mistake, and making the wrong decision hurts, and sometimes it stings really badly. But failing to make decisions based on what we know is right—our values—can be more problematic for those we lead and can have lasting effects. Doing the right thing may be difficult, but we must look failure right in the face by leading and making difficult decisions. If you have been called to lead, be confident in the fact that you have been equipped to not fail in doing what’s right for those you are serving. The choice is yours, so commit to not compromise in doing what’s right for those you serve, and in doing so, I am confident that you won't fail. You might mess up, but as a leader, you will not fail when you choose to do what is right for the people you serve. 

Additional Comments:

Thank you for reading or listening to this blog, and I hope it was meaningful to you. Please share this with others and insert your questions, comments, feedback, and suggestions in the comments section on this page. Stay tuned for the next blog post in July, and I hope you have a blessed day, week, and month ahead.