Why would someone, let alone a leader, want to embrace conflict? Isn't conflict bad? Doesn't it lead to arguments, fights, or someone getting hurt emotionally? Yes, it possibly can. If you are a person who tries to avoid conflict or have just learned to deal with it, talking about embracing conflict might actually present conflict to you. But what if I told you that conflict could be good, healthy, and lead to productivity, growth, and health within teams, organizations, and communities? In several books I have read and am currently reading, I have seen this theme of healthy conflict presented as an asset embraced in leadership and in healthy teams. I also work in an environment where conflict is encouraged, and we are learning how to embrace it.
When I first arrived at my work location, just about a year and a half ago, my boss gave me a book to read entitled "The FIVE Dysfunctions of a TEAM" (2002) by Patrick Lencioni. In his pyramid of a team’s dysfunctions, the second level is "fear of conflict". Why is the fear of conflict a problem? Shouldn't we avoid conflict? Evidently not, according to Lencioni. The "fear of conflict" and avoiding it is a problem; it is what dysfunctional teams do. And if dysfunctional teams do this, it is safe to say that dysfunctional leaders also do this, or at least they allow the avoidance to happen. Lencioni says, "Teams that lack trust are incapable of engaging in unfiltered and passionate debate of ideas. Instead, they resort to veiled discussions and guarded comments." Katherine, a fictional character who is a CEO in the story Lencioni created to present the 5 dysfunctions, says, "If we don't trust one another, then we aren't going to engage in open, constuctive, and idealogical conflict. And we'll just continue to preserve a sense of artificial harmony."
If you're not convinced yet, Jim Collins, in his book "Good to Great" (2001), discusses the use of conflict in leadership. He writes, "Dick Cooley and David Maxwell both exemplified a classic Level 5 style when they said, 'I don't know where we should take this company, but I do know that if I start with the right people, ask them the right questions, an engage them in vigorous debate, we will find a way to make this company great.'" Collins later states in the summary of this chapter in his book, "Good to great management teams consist of people who debate vigorously in search of the best answers, yet who unify behind decisions, regardless of parochial interests." If you are not the type of person who embraces conflict, it is time to start being the leader who does, because it is what leaders of healthy teams, families, organizations, and communities do.
There is an idiom, "iron sharpens iron," and a proverb written by King Solomon that says in one translation, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." This sharpening can only happen through conflict. When "iron sharpens iron", it gets hot, sparks fly, they clash back and forth...they go through conflict. As a result of this conflict, both become better and ready to do the work they need to do more effectively. When leaders create an atmosphere of trust, and people take the risk to engage in conflict with one another, good ideas, plans, and actions become great ones. So, as a leader, who are you sharpening? When this process of sharpening and allowing ourselves to be sharpened through conflict becomes consistent, we can have the opportunity to lead our teams, families, organizations, and communities from being just mediocre and good to greatness.
Application:
- Promote Trust: People will not engage in healthy conflict or vigorous debate when trust is not there. When trust is missing, Lencioni concludes that it "sets the tone for...fear of conflict." As leaders, we must be intentional about removing the "fear of conflict" and foster a level of trust that leads to healthy conflict by being honest about our shortcomings, mistakes, and weaknesses. We must be vulnerable with those we lead and listen to and support others when they are vulnerable with us. Consistency in doing these things can help those we lead understand that they can share their ideas and feel comfortable challenging our ideas and the team's ideas to become better.
- Don't Take it Personal: If we want the best for the people we are leading, we cannot take it personally when our ideas are challenged. Becoming defensive and dismissive will also create a “fear of conflict”. Hopefully, you want to be an approachable leader. If so, then feelings cannot be worn on your sleeves. As "iron sharpens iron," and the thoughts between you and your team members are clashing together and bouncing off each other, better and greater thoughts and ideas can come from the interaction if you don't take the conflicting ideas personally. If you take it personally, you can keep the idea, system, and practices that are being challenged from improving. And, taking it personally can break trust, which could negatively affect the development of future ideas, team chemistry, and overall productivity.
- Encourage/Initiate Constructive Conflict: As we know, not all conflict is good, but constructive conflict is. As leaders, we must create an environment where all the voices in the room and on the team are heard. In education, there is a phrase called "no opt-out." This is when the educator expects students to share their thoughts, ideas, and answers to questions, even if they don’t want to. We can do something similar with our team(s) by establishing a no-opt-out policy for everyone on our team. If someone on our team needs more time to gather their thoughts before they respond, give them time. But the expectation should be for the person to provide their thoughts before moving on to the next topic. It is more harmful to the team if team members pretend to agree with ideas that are presented without sharing their true thoughts, which, if shared, could help formulate better ideas. Only when we establish, model and encourage the process of finding the "best answer" by having everyone on the team engage in healthy conflict can we become great.
Conclusion:
A leader who embraces conflict is better because of it, and so are their teams. When "iron sharpens iron" becomes more than an idiom or a proverb but a reality in our leadership and practices, the potential for great things to happen significantly increases. Good ideas will become better ones, systems will become stronger, and practices will become sharper. Why? Because healthy conflict produces greatness. If you don't think this is true, I suggest you take a look at a diamond and then reconsider the practice of embracing conflict in your leadership.
Additional Comments:
Thank you for reading or listening to this blog post. I hope you enjoyed this post and that it was very meaningful to you. Please post your comments, feedback, or suggestions in the comments section on this page. Also, please share this post with others. Stay tuned for next month's edition to be posted in the upcoming weeks. I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day, week, and month ahead.
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